The Room Was Not as Scary as the Story in My Head

This week I did something small, but for me it did not feel that small.

I went to the second session of a leadership program through the Tampa Chamber of Commerce. I had missed the first session because I was traveling with my daughter during spring break, so by the time I walked into the room, everyone else had already met. They had already introduced themselves. They already had a little bit of history together.

And I was the newbie in the room. It reminded me of that feeling we had when we were younger, walking into the school cafeteria and looking around, trying to figure out where to sit.

Everyone already seems to have a table, already seems to know their people. Everyone seems to know what they are doing, and you are standing there trying to look calm while inside you are wondering, “Where do I fit in here?”

That was the feeling, initially at least.

I was thinking, “Do I even belong in a room with other leaders and business owners? Is my business too small? Is my experience too small? Do I actually have anything to add?”

And honestly, I know where that comes from. It comes from an old pattern in me. The low self-worth pattern that still tries to show up sometimes. The one that makes me question if I have something to add before I even give myself the chance to show up. The one that tells me other people belong more naturally than I do.

However the truth is, I did not sign up for this program because I thought I needed another leadership certificate. I signed up because it was in person. That was the whole point for me.

If it had been virtual, I would not have signed up. I would probably have found another online platform and done something by myself, behind the computer screen, like I do so much already. But I wanted to get out from behind the screen. I wanted to get dressed, get in the car, drive somewhere, and be with real people in real life.

And then, of course, once the day came, I started thinking, “What did I get myself into?”

That is how fear works sometimes. We ask for growth, and then when growth asks us to actually move, we start negotiating with ourselves.

But I went. And you know what?It was not as scary as I made it in my head.

The session went well. I spoke, collaborated and shared some points. There were moments when I wish I had spoken more, especially when people were talking and I had something in my mind, but I did not find the right opening to jump into the conversation. Maybe I should have. Maybe next time I will.

But I was there. I participated. I did not disappear in the room.

And at one point, after I shared something, I saw a few people writing notes.

I do not know if they liked what I said. I do not know exactly what they were writing. But I saw it, and I allowed myself to think, “Maybe something I said was useful.” And that mattered to me.

It mattered to me not because I need people to validate my worth, as that is not what I am looking for since I know that it can not come from external sources. But because sometimes we need evidence against the old story in our mind.

And that is what I kept thinking about as I drove home. The fear felt real in my body, but it was not an accurate picture of the room. It was just my perception. It was my mind making the situation bigger than it was. And once I realized that, I could see the next thing I need to work on.

My voice.

When I get nervous, I rush when I speak. I feel this pressure inside, almost like I am in a hurry to get the words out so I can be done with the discomfort. It is like my nervous system says, “Say it fast, finish quickly, and get out.”

But when I do that, I do not speak as clearly as I want to.

I noticed a couple of times that my pronunciation was not accurate. The word came out, and right away I knew it was not as clear as it could have been. And that is something I need to practice.

My goal is to become a better speaker, a better communicator, and honestly a better version of myself. I need to learn how to slow down and improve my speech.

I remembered an interview with Morgan Freeman where he talked about a speech teacher he had when he was younger, and how she was very strict about articulation and pronouncing every consonant. That stayed in my mind because I realized this is something I need to work on too.

I need to practice speaking slower, being calmer and let my words come out clearly instead of rushing through them.

Because when I speak slower, I sound more confident. I speak more clearly. I give my thoughts space to land. And maybe more importantly, I teach my body that I do not need to rush out of the moment.

The part that I am learning is that I can stay, speak and take up space.

And maybe this is what growth looks like in real life. It is not always a big dramatic breakthrough. Sometimes it is driving to a meeting feeling anxious, walking into the room anyway, sharing a few thoughts, realizing you did not die, and then driving home thinking, “Okay, that was not so bad. Now I know what I need to practice next.”

I am practicing showing up in rooms before I feel completely confident. I am practicing speaking even when my voice wants to rush. I am practicing recording videos so I can hear myself, slow myself down, and become more familiar with putting my thoughts out there.

So my question for you is this:

Where in your life are you still standing at the entrance of the cafeteria, looking around and assuming everyone already has a table but you?

Where are you telling yourself that you do not belong yet?

Ask yourself honestly: Is that true? Or is that just the story in your head?

And then take one small step.

Walk into the room. Join the conversation. Say the thing. Record the video. Share the idea. Speak slowly enough for your own voice to find its place.

You may realize, like I did, that the room was not as scary as the story your mind had created.

We all have something to add, big or small it is always valid.